Reflection – Immanuel

It’s Christmas time. The senior pastor, Unsung Park, preached about “Immanuel, God with us” last week. Unlike other Christmas season, I am going through tough times. Looking around, I see a lot of people in the same situation as me. I am a very incompetent person; however, God is omnipotent. Therefore, all I can do is praying. I believe that God will be with us through this difficult time and help us get through it.

While reflecting on the sermon and the meaning of “God with us,” I thought about the hymn “His Eye is on the Sparrow” by Civilla Durfee Martin:

(Verse One)

Why should I feel discouraged?

Why should the shadows come?

Why should my heart be lonely?

And long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion?

My constant friend is He;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know he watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

(Refrain)

I sing because I’m happy

I sing because I’m free

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me

(Verse Two)

Whenever I am tempted,

Whenever clouds arise,

When song gives place to sighing,

When hope within me dies.

I draw the closer to Him,

From care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

(Refrain)

I sing because I’m happy

I sing because I’m free

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know He watches me

Reflection

Sometimes I feel so small and invisible, being weary and lonely. Whenever I feel discouraged and depressed, I find a quiet place and pray. Just like the lyricist who wrote this hymn, I believe that Jesus is my friend. He cares for me and watches over me. While praying, I always request, “I want to see Jesus today.”

I am a nurse. During my nursing care, I meet many depressed patients. Most of my patients have chronic problems. They often become very depressed because of their health conditions as well as their financial difficulties. Many of them have to quit their jobs and rely on family members’ help and/or government aids.

Some patients experience severe pain (which is not resolved with pain meds). They cry. They shout. They become angry. They despair. I hear small sounds from my heart. “Can you be their friend?” I am instructed that I cannot explicitly pray for my patients during my work. Thus, I usually pray for them with my mind and heart while I am taking care of them.

I strongly believe that Jesus loves me and in the same way loves my patients too. In my prayers, I ask that Jesus would heal them as he healed the sick in the gospels. I pray for their physical and spiritual well-being.

In many cases, I see Jesus during my nursing care. Ironically I see Jesus clearly when I feel that I am incompetent to help my patients. I spend time with distressed patients or family members or co-workers, simply listening and praying in my mind. I know He listens to my small voice; He cares for us and He is good shepherd, our best friend and healer.

I work on a healthcare team with other nurses and technicians. Some are Christians and some are not. Since I am pretty new to the facility, some technicians disuse my being a new staff. According to my supervisor, they take an advantage of my being kind, which can be shown as a type of weakness to some of my co-workers.

I believe that God is watching me (in a good way), so I try to do my best not only to my patients and family members but also to my co-workers. Jesus is kind, and I would like to reflect His kindness and concerns in my everyday life.

“You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. […] Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:1-24)

This is my confession and prayer.

I want to be a person whose heart is pure in God’s eyes. It does not matter whether I have a difficult day or an easy day. However, what matters is that I live the day with the right kind of attitude regardless of the circumstances. Although I cannot see Jesus with my bare eyes, I see Him being with us with my heart and mind. He is Immanuel, God with us! He watches everything; He knows everything. My heart belongs to Him, and He calls me His friend.

Chris Yoo